only 168 days to go

so i started looking at the calendar...figured my estimated due date of september 12th will most likely be unattainable...seeing as most twins don't go near the full term date. so i am guessing it will be some time in the early or middle of august.
i was informed that i only have five days of vacation left for time off for the rest of the year. yay. :( oh well. at least i have been getting paid for the time i take to go to appointments and when i just can't stand being here anymore.
i am exhausted today. i have been fighting being here since this morning, this seems to be a daily thing now. it's so hard for me to stay awake and alert all day. by 2 i am just dead on my feet and ready for a nap.
i don't know how to resolve this problem at all.
i was stressing about money today. worrying about we'll pay rent when i'm out for maternity leave and how we'll pay for these babies to be in daycare. good lord it's stressful to think about.
i have an appointment next week for wic. i may have to reschedule since it's the day before my doctor appointment. i don't want to take so much time off in one week and piss anyone off.
hopefully we will eventually be approved for childcare assistance....with all the money josh pays monthly for child support we don't have very much extra. so....we'll see i guess.
i have been getting headaches daily....terrible awful headaches. thankfully this fioricet it has really helped but i am trying to not take it too often.
my stomach is starting to really change. i have definitley gotten bigger. the top part of my stomach has gotten harder. supposedly i should be able to start feeling movement now....but being a first timer they say i may just think it's gas or something.

I've been doing really good with my amount of water intake! I have been so bad about keeping up with drinking at least 8 glasses of water a day. I'm still not quite to a whole 8 but I am getting there. I brought in one of 32oz left over gatorade bottles to fill up from the water cooler here, and I try and drink as much as I can throughout the day. Usually I can get at least one whole one that's better.
My prenatals haven't been making me as sick as they were. I stopped taking them for a week while I was sick because between coughing and sneezing at night and burping and having the feeling to throw up because of the vitamins, I just couldn't take it.
I took the last couple nights and they've been no problem. thankfully.
I spend most of my day at work reading the lj communities about babies and online window shopping for baby stuff. Once we have our sonogram on April 6th and hopefully find out sex we'll start doing the registry at babies r us or somewhere and pick out some sort of theme for some things.
I get so excited looking at baby stuff.
I found the type of cribs that I would like. They are a 4 in 1 conversion crib that goes from a crib to a toddler bed with or without a half rail and then can go to a full size bed.
I would rather have something that can grown with them, then it two years have to buy new beds again....thank goodness mom volunteered to buy our cribs! I know that i just have to find something affordable and not over the top. Unlike the crib my boss is buying for her son and his wife that are expecting. She showed me the crib on pottery barn babies....and holy shit. The crib is $699. That is really just unnecessary for a crib, I mean it does grow with them and all but seriously, you can find them online for around 200 and even that price makes me gasp just knowing I have to get two.
I guess if you have it, you can spend it like her.

Joshua is finally going to the doctor today since he caught my cold and has been so miserable, the poor thing. Hopefully they can give him something that won't cost too much or the doctor will give him the trial stuff knowing that he doesn't have insurance. I can't wait for til he can get insurance in a month and a half so we don't have to shell out so much for his medications. Nothing like joking but being half serious to get married so he can get on my insurance.
Hopefully his insurance will be cheaper to add the babies on to. I'll be working solely for child care and insurance if they go on mine. stressing today. I can't help but get a little antsy thinking about child care for two and all of the other expenses. Joshua says....we will be fine. Everything will be ok. He has the greatest knack of telling me those things and I always believe him.
He's so great. I love him.
I can't wait to see our babies again in exactly 13 days!!

15 weeks

So today I am at 15 weeks.
Only two weeks and two days until the big sonogram.
Being sick while pregnant is so terrible.
Being sick sucks anyway....but being sick while pregnant with twins is THE SUCK.
I can only take tylenol cold and maybe some sudafed to really dry me up. I have some robitussin for the cough that I have been taking a bit.
But, I am sooooo tired. Being sick and pregnant is taking a lot out of me.
I really feel bad for Joshua lately. I have been absolutely no fun. He of course, the wonderful man he is says that it's ok. No biggie. He doesn't mind.
He is great and goes and gets me food or whatever I am craving, runs to the gas station for gatorade...pretty much anything I ask for.
I really need to get to my mom's and start walking on the treadmill. I would feel much better if I was a bit active.
I can't believe we had snow/freezing rain last night.
had my OB appointment yesterday.
They took me back and checked my blood pressure, weight and had me pee in a cup. I forgot to ask how much I had gained...but I am pretty sure it was around 6 pounds. I got to wait in the waiting room for another 30 minutes or so until they brought me back to sit and wait for my doctor to come in and see me.
She asked how I was doing and I told her about my headaches, she prescribed me something to help. We talked about my mom freaking out about thinking the babies were sharing the same sac....which they aren't.
They are in one placenta, in their own sacs. So that was good. I thought so but I figured I would check just to make sure.
She said that my uterus is up above my belly button now and I look good. She went out and wheeled the old sonogram machine into the room because she said it's so hard to distinguish two heartbeats that she would rather just take a look. They are SO much bigger than the last time I got to see them. The same as last time one was very active and just kicking and punching and the other was asleep. After moving around a lot on my belly and pushing fairly hard to see everything she finally woke the other up. It was so neat to see the two of them moving so looked like they were fighting each other! She said they looked great and we'll get to see the sexes on April 6th! I am so excited for that appointment!

It was amazing to be able to see them so big. I can't wait until Joshua can come and see them too.
It's just beyond words the feeling of being able to see your babies inside of you moving around. I can't wait until I can actually feel them moving!
I tried to buy some more maternity clothes last night. All of the shirts I tried on were just like tents on me though. So I'm still not big enough for them yet. I am stuck in this weird middle area.

When we went to drop off my prescription that doctor gave me for my headaches the pharmacist didn't feel comfortable in giving it to me until they called my doctor. She said that there is something in the drug that can cause some problems in fetuses. What I have read online they have no idea what it can do because they don't obviously test drugs on pregnant women. So.....this is what it says online about Fioricet --This drug combination is in the FDA pregnancy category C. This means that its effects on an unborn baby are not known. Do not take this medication without first talking to your doctor if you are pregnant. doctor prescribed it. Do I trust her judgement and take it to give me some relief? Or be terrified to take I sort of am...because obviously I don't want something I take to hurt my babies.
so as of today i am 14 weeks.
i have an appointment tomorrow afternoon, i am supposing to just pee in a cup and things like that.
my mom told me last weekend that she read somewhere that gatorade helps headaches. well, 32oz of gatorade later and today is my first day in two weeks without a headache (knock on wood)
i was insanely sick last night. i don't know what did it but i had awful diahrrea which in turn made me gag and throw up. what a sight....on the toilet with the bin sitting in front of me.

i have had weird cravings of food. things that just pop into my head that i want.
last night, joshua asked me what i wanted for dinner. my response was "beef jerky", i was totally serious. i could have gone to the gas station and gotten a bag and been happy. against my cravings i went with my better judgement and we ordered pizza, which i could only eat one slice.......and i'm not sure if that was the demon behind how i felt at 1 this morning. i was up and down at least five times through the night.
poor josh. i hope he gets some sleep at least.

I feel totally overwhelmed and sick today. my back hurts, my head hurts, i keep getting pinching pains in my uterus. i am in no mood for anything today. i took a shower to try to help the headache and got scalded by our stupid fucking shower. all i could do was cry and feel totally helpless, i have totally lost it today.
note to self, when having a bad day DO NOT watch baby story's on tlc.
it's friday and i could care less about what to do this weekend. sleep, do grocery shopping and that's pretty much it.
i'm pathetic today.
i sometimes think if my stomach was bigger at least i wouldn't feel crazy for feeling so emotional and sick.

12 weeks one day

So, today I am 12 weeks and one day.

I haven't been feeling as sick as I was before. Thankfully no vomiting which I haven't really had much of anyway, mostly just dry heaving which is always wonderful.
My nose is always stuffy and usually I get a nosebleed after I blow it in the mornings.
My stomach hurt so bad this morning because those prenantals really do make you constipated which is so much fun.
I have tons of gas and it's embarrassing seeing that Joshua and I just moved in together and I wouldn't dream of farting in front of him. But seriously. It's insane.

I haven't been quite as hungry as I was before. I have a hard time deciding what I want to eat and I can't eat whole meals at once. They say it's better to eat a bunch of little meals and that's really probably to benefit how I feel after I eat a full meal. I feel like it's all stuck in my esophogus. It take longer for your food to digest since it has to be distributed to the babies, so it just feels like all of your food is stuck in your chest for a while.

I've been having an awful lot of lower back pain. I am totally exhausted most of the time but I have a really hard time sleeping. I wake up a thousand times during the night and I toss and turn all night long. I feel bad because Joshua is such a light sleeper I know I must be waking him up all night long.

It's 9am and I got up around 6 but layed in bed until 7 and I am so ready to get back to bed.
Joshua has been so incredible through everything. He takes the pups out to go potty when he knows I am tired or not feeling well. He makes me dinner, brings me drinks and is just wonderful. He was kissing my belly last night telling the "girls" to stop making mommy sick.

It's true that you get unbelievably emotional. I can cry at the drop of a hat. I can cry at a stinking commercial. It's madness. I have always been emotional but this tops the cake.
We have five more weeks til I get the "big" ultrasound to see if we have been calling our boys girls or if we have been right!
Five weeks seems like forever!!