Ugh.

I am always worrying and planning and budgeting and trying to make sure that the boys are taken care of, that the house is being taken care of and our bills are being taken care of.

I got to thinking. I worry so much about the future of our boys that I don’t really think much about my own health and having myself in their future.

It isn’t usually until I see a recent picture of myself that I start to worry about that and promise myself to do things differently.

They seem to always end up being empty promises to myself.

I can’t get motivated or I find a reason why it won’t work.

I’m not a morning person, so getting up before everyone else to do workouts or a jog are usually out of the question.

But, when I do get up early and get things done I feel great about the day. I need to find a way to start doing things for myself that don’t take out of the work day, and take away from my time at home.

I really need to worry about this, not only for my own health but I want to be around for the boys as they get older. I don’t like being the mom that can’t run with them or play with them in the yard because I get winded.

I need to quit smoking, another promise I make to myself and as the current pack starts to dwindle my strength in that decision declines and I give in and buy another.

Not only am I throwing money away, I’m doing it for something that is a bad decision for my health.

I have to find a way to motivate myself.

I’d like to think that my children are a good enough reason.

But, I think that I really need to find a reason good enough for ME.

I need to remember that I’m worth it.

I should be able to feel good about myself in clothes and not get anxiety attacks before I go out because I always feel less than it what I’m wearing.

There has to be someway to light that fire under my butt.